My Natural State

2-28-12

Lauren,

Last night I decided to take a picture of myself sans makeup and with wet hair, and then put it on Facebook for the world to see.  This isn't something I'd normally do, but here lately I've been trying to love the "natural" me more and more.  If I can't love the natural me, then who can?

I've really gotten into makeup the last few months, especially eye make up.  It's always fun to play with new colors, and to see what works best with my pale complexion.  But at the same time, I hate the way my skin feels suffocated when I wear a lot of make up.  Usually at the end of the day I want nothing more than to go home, wash it all off, and to go back to my natural state. 

Do you like the way you look?  As girls and women, this is one of the things we struggle with the most: our self-image.  I'm getting a lot more comfortable with mine lately; I hope you can be comfortable with yours one day.  It'll take some work, but you'll get there one day!

Love,

Meghan

Take a Chance

2-27-12

Lauren,

Hey. Blah.  Yup, blah.  That word right there pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right about now.  I need a distraction from my brain and pronto.  When I hit a marker or important moment in my life, or make any kind of important decision, I usually stress like crazy until I finally get to see the outcome.  Well, I had a couple of those important moments this weekend and now I'm going crazy.

Taking chances is important.  If we didn't, as people we would never get to experience some of the things that really make life rewarding and worth-wile.  You take little chances everyday, but there are some days when you  make take those really big, world-sized risks that make your heart pound and your brain race like crazy.  I try to say "yes" to as many of those big risks as I can, as long as I know they won't put me or other people in danger.  And in saying yes, I know that even if I fail or something goes wrong, I know that at least I tried. 

How do you take risks?  Do you ever speak your mind, even if you know it might offend someone?  Or have you ever told that one guy that you like how you feel about him?  What about in school. . .do you try certain tasks even if you know that you might fail at them?  I hope you do.  Be confident in what you do, and try something if you know it'll get you another step further towards a bigger goal. 

I hope you had a good weekend.  Keep your head up!

Love,

Meghan

She's Getting Married!

2-24-12

Lauren,

Hey! I have something special I want to talk to you about today.  I'm not sure if you heard or not, but a few days ago Bobby and Chrysta became engaged.  This is something our family has been waiting for for a while.  After being together off and on since 6th grade, and after having a child together, it almost seemed inevitable that it would happen.  And it finally did!

Normally in the movies when a sister tells another sister that she's getting married, the one sister gets all excited for her, jumping up and down, probably squealing a bit, and usually gives the engaged sister multiple hugs.  That's the movies, though.  When Chrysta told me she was engaged, my reaction was nothing like that.  It was quite the opposite, actually.  First, Chrysta told me through text, so it's not like I could reach through my cell phone and hug her brains out.  And I don't really like hugging family members (I know, I'm weird), so it would've been strange to hug her anyway.  When she texted me, my response was "Yay. . ."   After first, it was all I could think of to say.  I know. . .a little insensitive, right?  She didn't really like that response much, and I guess I can see why.  I really do think I lack a certain bone or fragment of DNA that makes me capable of responding to such events with happiness and glee.  When I open presents, I do it without showing emotion.  I'm incapable of buying a sappy birthday card, and when someone uses a term of endearment like "sweetie" or "honey," it makes me cringe a little inside. Either way, my reaction to Chrysta's engagement was a little, well, lame.

So what do you think? One of your sisters is finally getting married.  It was obviously going to be Chrysta first.  I never plan on getting married, and if I do, that guy is going to have to be something pretty darn special to change my mind about the whole marriage thing. 

Love,

Meghan

The Bigger Picture

2-23-12

Lauren,

Hey! How's vacation going?  I could really use a vacation right about now.  And today the weather was so nice; it makes me want spring and summer weather even more!

Well today I had an interesting conversation with a friend.  A lot of it had to do with past experiences and where I'm at today as a person.  I told this friend that I'm happy with who I am today, but I'm not happy with my place and role in everything as a whole.  Does that make any sense?  I've gone through a lot in the past year to become the person I am today.  Lots of learning, observing, and questioning had to be done, and it wasn't always easy, but I got through it.  But as far as where I'm at as a person in society and as a person in this huge world of ours, I can't quite say I'm that satisfied.  I have worked hard to become a college graduate, but other than that I feel like I have so much more to fulfill.  Know what I mean?

So that's something for you to think about. . .are you happy with who you are as a person?  And are you happy with who you are as a smaller part of the big picture?  It's never too early to start thinking about it. 

Keep your head up girl!

Love,

Meghan

Your Future Self

2-21-12

Lauren,

Hey there.  Ever think about what you'll be like as an adult?  I remember when I was younger I would sit there and think about how I would be as I got older; what I would look like, if I would be pretty, what kind of job I would have, what kind of guy I would marry, if I ever would get married, who my friends would be, etc.  I used to think about all of that.  I remember how people, especially family members, would reassure me that I would be someone awesome.

I don't always feel like someone awesome.  When I would spend that time imagining my future self, I would always picture a super-independent, super-successful, super-fun woman.  That's what I wanted to be.  It's still what I want to be, and it's something I work towards every day.  But you know what's funny?  Things don't always turn out like you want them to.  People can spend years upon years planning for their future, only to have very little of it go the way they want to.  I never thought I would be a twenty-four year old working in retail, still not knowing what I want to be when I "grow up."  I still haven't gotten my grown-up job, or my grown-up house, or even my grown-up family. 

Some days this bothers me.  Here lately, you might hear me call myself a "loser." I don't always mean it, but at twenty-four, I'm not quite where I want to be and so it bothers me.  I am a very ambitious, very stubborn person, and so if I'm not reaching my goals, well then I'm not satisfied with my life.  And this ambition showed in my goals when I was younger, too.  I used to picture myself being a singer or a writer, both of which require a tremendous amount of ambition and dedication.  I strayed from the music part when I realized I was better at writing.  I still write today, but I don't know if I'll ever be that famous writer. 

So what do you think you'll be like as an adult?  Chances are, your vision of your future self will change as you get older.  My vision did, and it's still changing today.  You might be thirteen, but before you know it you'll be eighteen and out of high school, so you might as well start thinking about it now.  I'm not telling you to stress over it; that's not what I want for you at all.  But be a little creative, think about what you want, and you never know, you might just be that person you imagined yourself to be. 

Love,

Meghan

Let It Snow!

2-19-12

Lauren,

Hey.  There's less than an hour left to today, but either way I'm making sure I get my letter in!  Today has been another lazy day.  I had a little bit of girl time with Megan last night, which was really fun.  Today I got to spend some more time with her, and Chrysta, too.  And best of all, it's snowing! So, without further ado, let's talk about some snow.

I don't know what it is, but there is something about snow that is very peaceful and pure. I know white is the color for purity, so maybe that has something to do with it.  But it's also how quiet things are when it's snowing outside.  Not a lot of people are on the roads, and so that constant rumble of tires turning on pavement isn't there.  And when you have the big, fat flakes like we did today, there is something very soft about them and the way they fall to the ground.  What's sad is that a lot of people hate snow.  When you live in an area like we do, snow is usually rare, maybe coming once or twice a year.  Usually rarities are some of the most treasured things in life.  But not snow for some reason.  People complain and whine about the cold, about driving in it, or about how it ruins their plans.  But for me, I love it when it comes because I don't get to see it that often.  It's another one of those things you have to stop and appreciate.

I hope you get to play in the snow, if you got any at all.  I remember when you were little how we would take you outside with your huge marshmallow of a snowsuit on and pull you around on the sled.  You're probably a little too big for that now.  Hope you had a good weekend! Keep your head up :)

Love,

Meghan

Getting My Stuff Straight

2-18-12

Lauren,

Hey.  So I started reading a book recently that really has me thinking these past few days.  It's called "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.  Yes, it's one of those relationship books, but it's pretty interesting and thought-provoking, which means it has my attention.  Unfortunately, I can't share everything with you that I have found interesting in the book.  One, I just don't have enough space to do that, and two, some of it would probably be above your head considering your age.  I'll make sure to share the extra stuff in your journal, though, so that maybe you can read it one day when you're older.

So let me share with you the one idea from the book that really has me pondering some things.  It's the idea that until a guy is sure of who he is, what he does, and how much he makes, he will not be able to be in a productive, loving relationship.  But I'm starting to wonder if this could be indicative of both men and women.  This has got me thinking about the past eight months in which I've been single.  In all of those months, I have not met one guy that I would want to date.  While that has something to do with the type of guys I have met, I think it also reflects my own life at this point.  Right now, I'm pretty sure of who I am, but that's about it.  I'm not sure about what I want to do, and I'm definitely not content with how much I make.  And until I figure these last two out, I don't think I'd be able to focus on a relationship.  Right now, I'd rather focus my time on getting MY life straight than focusing on making a life with another person.  But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, either.  Who would want to date someone that wasn't sure of how they wanted their life to go?

Maybe it's time for me to start getting serious with my goals.  I know I want to go back to school, but that's kind of been put on hold because of surgery and financial costs that go along with both.  Maybe I need to set some short-term goals, like finding a better, more stable job.  Being a day-to-day person really helps eliminate a lot of stress with everyday life, but when it comes time for me to make big decisions, I know I'm going to wish I had planned ahead.

I hope you're having a good weekend.  Enjoy being a teenager while you can!  I know it might not seem like the best thing, especially when you're going through puberty and you have the awkwardness that comes from changing from a kid to a young adult, but being an adult is so much harder until you can figure it out.  And I'm still working on figuring it out.  Keep your head up!

Love,

Meghan