A Bit of a Let Down

3-15-12

Lauren,

Hey.  I was going to give myself a few more days away from this to think about things to write, but then you called me today and I needed to vent somewhere, so why not vent on here.  First, you did nothing wrong by calling me.  I just feel bad because I haven't been able to come to the visits lately, and because I can't come this Saturday to have dinner with you.  I know you probably already feel let down so much, and now I'm letting you down more by not being able to see you.  I know I'll get to make it up to you in the near future, but at the same time it just sucks that I can't be there on the one day that you ask me to be.

I feel like a bit of a let down in other ways here lately, too.  I feel like a let down to my roommates because I haven't been able to pay rent on time from where I was out of work after surgery.  I feel like a let down to my friends because every time they ask me to go out somewhere with them, I have to say no because I need to save up.  I feel like a let down to myself because I still haven't started grad school searching, even though I told myself I would have one picked by February.  Things have definitely been a little rough on me lately, and strong as I am, there are times when they finally catch up to me and it all just spills out.  I'm sure everyone has moments like this.  It would be unusual and not human to never feel sad, disappointed, angry, etc. . .having emotions is part of being human.  But it's knowing how to deal with them and how to learn from them that makes the difference.

I will definitely see you soon.  I know our situation is not ideal.  And I know I can't always be the big sister I'm suppose to be.  But hopefully that will change one day soon.  Love you.  Keep your head up!

Love,

Meghan