Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Carry the Weight of the World



I am the kind of person that carries the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I've been that way for as long as I can remember.  It's not always the greatest character trait to have, either.  Do you know what I mean by the "weight of the world?"  I'm a fixer.  I'm the kind of person that will see a situation, try to find a way to fix it, and if I can't, I stress over it and feel bad for not being able to do anything.  The situation might not even have something directly to do with me.  It could involve a friend, family member, or coworker, and I'd still take on that extra burden. 

Our family's situation isn't an easy one.  It's not fun, it's not exciting, it's not simple.  It's the opposite of all of that.  And as one of the children, it's not directly my "problem" either, for a lack of a better term.  But I still somehow manage to make it my issue.  Every time Mom and Dad go to court, ever time I sit through a meeting with the social workers, every time a new "solution" is presented, that weight just gets a little heavier. 

Sometimes I am amazed that I have made it through each trial, each weight added to my already heavy load.  I mean, I know I'm a tough person, but how much stuff can one person hold?  I wonder the same about Mom and Dad sometimes, too.  If I, the strong, stubborn, ambitious one, have trouble from time to time, then surely they do, too.  But then I remind myself of just what kind of person I am.  I'm strong.  I'm definitely stubborn.  I'm ambitious when I want to be, and because of that I hardly ever give up.  And that's how I make it through each addition. 

I hope, for your sake, that you're not like me in this way.  To carry the weight of everyone else's stuff, even if they don't ask you to, is a huge job.  And with it come great responsibilities, great emotions, and great realizations about the way life really is.  And if you do end up like me, well I hope that you have a great understanding of yourself, because there will be times when you have to remind yourself of who you are, and why you keep on going the way you do. 

I told you these letters wouldn't always be flowers and sunshine.  It's just part of who I am.  Love you.  Keep your head up.



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